I want to start by apologizing for the tone that too often dominates the comments of Christians regarding homosexuality. For anyone to feel that he or she is more deserving of God’s grace and approval because that person is heterosexual, not homosexual, is a wrong attitude. It is wrong because acts of greed, lying, gossip, arrogance, heterosexual adultery and premarital sex, and many other acts that people (including Christians) commit are horrible. They are expressions of our brokenness and need for forgiveness. A follower of Jesus should recognize that the essence of the message of the Christian faith is that we are all able to receive grace and forgiveness even though we are all guilty and broken.
I think we are all broken and incomplete, and every person is searching for the thing that will bring the wholeness and satisfaction their heart craves. This longing is what leads us down many different paths: we are pursuing things that seem as though they will fill that emptiness, and make us feel like we are accepted, significant, and complete. People pursue wealth, luxury, fun, relationships, accomplishments, sex, and other things to find that satisfaction. At the moment when you were filled with a desire for a romantic and/or sexual relationship with someone of the same sex, you were seeking something to satisfy that longing for wholeness. It’s understandable that you would cling fiercely to something that provided some relief, if only partial or temporary, to the brokenness of the human condition that leaves us with such emptiness.
But, dear friend, I am guessing that you also feel moments of shame. Even if you proudly march for your rights, enthusiastically claim that you have found true happiness, and defiantly stare down those who would criticize your lifestyle, in a transparent moment, you would admit that shame and guilt cloud your thinking at times. And worst of all, the emptiness inside remains.
In the midst of this struggle, extra confusion is present because your culture is feeding you a lie. You are told to accept that your identity - the essence of who you are - is in your sexual behavior. But your identity is not in your activity; it is grounded in something much deeper. You are a human - made in the image of God - and he longs to fill that emptiness in a way that no other relationship and no behavior ever could.
I don’t know whose business it is to say whether or not gays have the right to marry in a secular nation. I know that we could argue about whether homosexuality is a result of a choice or a genome until were so sick of arguing we want to punch ourselves in the face. I can refer to the scripture, an you can refer to recent studies, and we’ll probably both end up sticking with our assumptions. But I’m pretty confident that, if the good news of God’s filling and all-satisfying love takes root in your heart, I won’t have to argue you into any change. The Holy Spirit would fill you with a desire to please the Lord, and guide you through the appropriate changes, however difficult they may be.
Until then, please be willing to keep listening. And please forgive us when our attitudes are too smug and self-righteous, when we show our ignorance of who you really are and what you really think, and when we fail to answer the important questions because we are too preoccupied with trying to prove ourselves right.
A Caring Christian